I came across this book last December. A colleague gave this to me as a gift after learning that I am a father of a five year old boy. Later, I learned that he had given fifteen more copies to his son’s school, hoping the teachers there would read it. Clearly, he thought highly of this book, and it had piqued my interest as well. But as usual, I had too many books that I wanted to read and not enough time. So, it had been sitting on my bookshelf, collecting only dust, until I finally got to it last week.
I couldn’t agree more with my colleague. ‘Boys Adrift’ is the most important book I have read all year.
Dr. Leonard Sax lays out very clearly what’s happening to boys in America today, why it’s happening, and what we can do as parents. For the sake of the young man in your life, consider reading this book. However, if you want to know a little more before committing to the book, below is a snapshot of what I took away.
What’s the problem?
- “Men are minority at college, and they have been for three decades now. Women are now more likely to attend college than their brothers are; and, once enrolled, women are now more likely than their brothers to earn a degree. Among those pursuing advanced degrees in American universities, women now outnumber men by 59 percent to 41 percent.”
- “The boy does not seem to have the drive his sister has.” While the sister has multiple job offers in the 100k range immediately upon graduation, the brother takes longer to graduate, works part-time at starbucks after graduation and lives at home with his parents. “What is more strange is that the young man isn’t bothered by his situation.”
- “Not all boys have been infected by this weird new virus of apathy…Because we still see some of these successful young men around us, it’s easy to miss the reality that more young men than ever before are falling by the wayside on the road to the American dream. The end result: frantic parents wondering why their son can’t, or won’t, get a life. He’s adrift, floating wherever the currents in the sea of his life may carry him–which may be no place at all.”
Why is this happening?
- We have a school system that does not take gender difference into consideration. Developmentally, a five-year-old boy may only be on par with a three or a four-year-old girl. But in kindergarten, all kids are expected to sit still and carry out tasks for which boys may not be ready yet. The results are astounding. Girls are achieving in every measurable way while boys are turning into “slacker-dudes.”
- What motivates girls may be different from what motivates boys. Some boys thrive in competition. “Everybody is a winner” culture discourages their drive to win. They turn toward video games because it allows them to compete and earn a first place, an opportunity many boys are not finding in their school these days.
- Boys are far more easily diagnosed with ADHD than girls are. In addition, “there is a growing tendency to prescribe medications such as Adderall, Ritalin, Concerta, Metadate, Focalin, Vyvanse, and other stimulants to children, particularly boys. Research suggests that these medications may have adverse consequences that your doctor may not know about–adverse consequences not for cognitive function, but for motivation.”
- Boys are getting a double whammy. First, they are asked to do tasks they may not be ready for, then they are medicated so that they can catch up with the girls. “The most serious cost of taking these medications may be a loss of drive.”
- “…some characteristics of modern life–toxins found in the food we eat and water we drink–may have the net effect of emasculating boys. We will see that the average young man today has a sperm count much lower than what his grandfather had at the same age. Likewise, a young boy today has bones that are significantly more brittle than a boy of the same age 30 years ago.”
What can we do as parents?
Luckily, Dr. Sax offers solutions that we parents can implement. For example, we can wait until our sons are six years old before enrolling them in kindergarten. By then, their brain will have developed enough to carry out tasks expected of them in school.
I know what you are thinking. This means one additional year of expensive day-care, right? Right, there’s no denying that. But there is another way of thinking about this as well. You may want to send him to college at some point. Maybe you have started a college savings account in his name. What good would that college fund do if he were to lack the motivation to go to college in the first place? A gift of delayed kindergarten may give him a better foundation for the rest of his life.
To be fair to the author, who clearly spent lot of time researching, and offering solutions in his book, I don’t want to spill all his findings in my blog. If what you read so far interests you and concerns you, then you should pick up a copy available on amazon.com.
My Goodreads rating: here
Liked what you read? Don’t forget to subscribe.
If you have thoughts or suggestions, please add your comments below.